At the end of last month I celebrated my birthday with a lovely jaunt up to Vermont with my boys. And in turning 33 I wanted to write down a few observations and thoughts. Really, this was maybe my most favorite year yet (which I'm aware I say every year). I feel like 32 has been full of so much personal growth and change. I feel settled in our house (thank you new blue kitchen), we welcomed our newest family member (yay for Huck!), we had to say goodbye to our beloved dog (love you Lunabug), and along the way I think I cooked some good food, made some great friends and got to do it all with my favourite person, Matt.
So here's what I've learned, at 32:
In order to succeed, you need your team. It takes a long time to build one, believe me. These are the ones you never have to second guess yourself around, the people who know all the shitty parts of your weird self and love you all the same. Find these people. Keep them close. Cultivate those relationships. And it's okay to have all the other types of friends too. But one of the biggest things I've learned is that not everyone will be on your team, and trying to fit every person in your life does not work. Stop doing it. Save your best energy for the people closest to you.
Also, none of this shit matters. Seriously, it doesn't. The only thing that matters is that you wake up in the morning and you feel like you're doing a good job at being a good human being. That you're being the best wife you can be, the best Mom, the best sister, daughter, friend, whatever, and doing every single thing in your life with kindness and love. That's it. Anything else- what someone thinks about you, all of the little things you worry about, random stuff that pops into your mind and doesn't go away- it doesn't matter. You want love? Be love. You want light? Be light. Be what you want to see, and you will see more of exactly that.
The biggest thing that I gained during my 32nd year though, was a much deeper self-acceptance. It feels good to be ME, in all of my silly, nerdy, happy, too-sappy, sometimes flippant, adventurous, emotional, mercurial glory. And to feel so excited about other people being THEM.
And so 32, you were fantastic. I look back with my rose-colored glasses and even though I see the bad, hard, sometimes frustrating stuff, I am fully aware its all part of it. I don't mind getting older. I love birthdays. Here's to 33!